tabby6680's Cancer Blog
June 17, 2008
| Alone | Views: 772 |
I feel alone. I don’t think I have felt this alone since my dad pasted away in a horrible car wreck (three years ago). He was always the one who babied me when there was a problem. He raised alone and he was truely a great man. During tough times no matter the time, I could count on him. I wish he was here taking me to my radiation appointments or holded me when I am in pain. Sadly, my husband is not this type. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t hold me, pat me, or even try to understand how I am feeling. It is making me so unbelievable mad and hurt. I am going through this and he doesn’t even ask how I am. I have to tell him and when I tell him, him seems bothered that I repeat myself. Furthermore, doctors can’t figure out what to do either. They don’t know how to stop me pain. I guess addly enough my brain is to big. HAHAHa. Most people might disagree. But the swelling is so bad, it is like my brain is pressing against my skull trying to run away. So at this time, friends, family, and doctors don’t know what to do for me or how to get my pain to go away. So again I feel alone.
06.29.08 - 
Thanks for your support -
I hear you. I have felt the same way at times. You are not alone! We are all here, all battling something right along side you.
Happy Belated Birthday too!
It’s too bad your husband doesn’t know how to support you, but I bet this happens a lot. Especially with men, because they aren’t the sharpest knives in the drawer. (Whoops, sorry about that, guys!) Try talking to him and spelling it out exactly what he can do to help. Just listen, or give you a massage, or do more with the housework…..whatever you need.
Are you in the care of a medical team that you feel comfortable with? If they don’t know what to do to help relieve your pain——-I don’t know if that’s a good sign. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that we are all out here thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way. Keep in touch!
I just wanted to repeat-You are not alone!
Sending hugs your way!
Lisa
You are not alone! People are praying for you and believing for your recovery.
As for your hubby, I will tell you that what passes for disinterest is usually fear. So is frustration and distance and anything else that makes no earthly sense.
Women are raised to feel and cry and console, men are told they need to fix and make better and take care of. Your husband is in the position of not being able to make this better and it is scaring the wits out of him. Your father was older and wiser and had more time to adapt. Ask your mom, she might tell you he was not always so sensitive, she might also tell you, men are different with daughters than wives.
My greatest fear was and is, not being able to take care of my family. When my wife has had health concerns my greatest fear was not being able to make her better. I am scared of the things I can not fix. I know this may not be what you need, but it is the truth and the less involved he may seem, the more he loves you and the more afraid he is. It may be crazy but it is real.
Sorry I could not give you a magic spell to make him all warm and fuzzy. But it sounds to me like he is doing what we do best, “hide and hope”.
You may need to be confrontational with him! Guys don’t do subtle. Tell him, “Hey you big jerk, I need a hug and some attention, and I am not cooking till I get it!” He’ll be on it like white on rice.
Hugz from a “father”
Mac
Jill,
I know how you feel but we are not alone and you are strong. You have a whole community here to back you up. Thank you for your kinds response to my blog.
Cheryl58
I agree with the others. Tell your husband EXACTLY what you need from him. I am sure he is so terrified that he can’t think straight. Maybe he just doesn’t know what to do or how to handle this.
One of my daughters, who was a junior in high school at the time, seemed to be so unconcerned and would not talk to me about the cancer and could not bear to look at my bald head. She was hurting much more than I realized. She later asked me what she had done to cause me to have the cancer. I told her she, or anyone else, had done absolutely nothing to cause it. It was just a bad part of life.
I know that some men deal with things like this much better than others because my late husband was just wonderful and I miss him terribly.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. God is there for you and all of us here on this blog are here for you also.
My love, thoughts and prayers are with you each and every day.
Hugs,
Joyce